Vice City.

There's little else to be said about it - it's simply a very, very good game. It's Grand Theft Auto made better yet. The fact that it contains motorcycles was reason enough for me to get more into it than I care to fully divulge.

Speaking of Vice City and bikes, here's my current top three bike-related deaths:

3. Trying to figure out how to pull the longest wheelie and ending up scraping off my entire amount of health and armor along two hundred feet of highway asphalt.

2. While trying to jump the river, missing the ramp and slamming directly into the guardrail, leaving the bike behind and sailing over the water, coming short of the other side by about six inches.

1. Jumping over a large square of water (there's a theme here), deciding to do it again and hitting the jump wrong, causing the bike to burst into flames and sail into the air along with me, exploding as it lands on me in the water.

And here's my personal favorite kill:

While delivering pizzas, I was confronted by a pedestrian loudmouth. Showing off the game to my girlfriend at the time, at her insistance I stepped off my ride and began to hack into her with a meat cleaver to quench the lingering thirst for vengeance. After four or five solid chops, she was still quite alive and fighting back with an astounding degree of vigor. I stepped forward and hacked once more, causing no apparent damage. She stepped back and readied another blow.

Then a car ignored a red light and ran her over.

Gotta love this game. Definitely not for minors, but a great game to just go nuts in to get those primal urges out healthily.

See you next week!

Yes, before the gummy horror known as Choo Choo Bear, there was....Chuu Chuu. The species-confused cute mascot/familiar to Anthy from Revolutionary Girl Utena. Was it a monkey? A mouse? It had big ears like a mouse, but mice aren't blessed with red asses. Also, it's more Indian-like if Chuu Chuu is a monkey.

Speaking of gummy, I have been introduced to the holy Cola Gummy, an apparently Japanese candy. Curse these things for being as tasty as they are, they require me to shop in an oriental market. Which means I see many other cool oriental foods. Canned coffee. Pocky. Taiwanese Red Bull (more syrupy, otherwise identical). Flavorless jellies. Live blue crabs. Mimi-kaki. Suddenly my 2.25 trip blossoms into 11.00 I can't afford but will spend anyway.

And you know, there's something laughable about shiny underwear. I'm not sure what it is, but it's just funny. Today I perused a sale bin of satin underpants only to gaze upon plaid underwear with a light metallic sheen layered over the pattern. It was ridiculous. Everyone knows plaid underwear should be flannel.